musings about entrepreneurship & life…
For the last year or so I have been trying to cultivate the art of stillness. Until very recently, I had gone through life fully unaware of the concept of awareness. While in MBA school, I mastered the art of not listening to my body. I ran frantically from lectures to business case competitions to “networking” events to literally running myself into the ground. To this date, I am not sure that I understand the concept of doing an MBA mindfully while still “performing”. I would without a doubt say that MBA school is the antithesis of being in the moment.
Through enduring physical pain, I am currently in the process of understanding the jerky nature of the mind, its departures, it stories and its relationship to my body. Most human beings accept the mind-body connection as a fact. Although I cognitively understand the intricate connection between the brain and the rest of my body, body awareness is something that I am just beginning to discover. I believe that the true nature of the mind-body connection is in the art of its discovery.
As a trained neuroscientist, I have always attributed a grandiose throne to the mind. For the most part, I always believed the babblings of my mind and considered them somewhat absolute truths. During all these years, the one thing that I failed to notice was the random chaotic nature of the thought processing. What a mess ! I am not quite sure that Descartes was right when constructing a system of knowledge based on discarding perception as unreliable and admitting only deductionas a method. In my ignorant mind, deduction can be equally unreliable depending on the thought processing behind it !
Today, I write these lines freaking out about my upcoming meditation retreat. I don’t quite understand the reasons behind my fear of stillness. My current neuronal firing is trying to alert me about a danger that most probably doesn’t exist, as most retreats end without casualties. My mind is trying to convince me that my headaches will worsen in that retreat. My sympathetic system is being activated just on the thought of a chair, a blanket and silence.
A year ago, I abandoned a retreat just out of fear. Fear of exacerbating the pain I experience frequently. Today, I am deciding to sit through the discomfort and shine a light to fear (upcoming attractions). I never thought that it was possible to be afraid of your own self. I take any day in a Colombian guerrilla-prone jungle region, rather than a chair, a blanket and the stillness of silence.